I had gone into 2015 with the mindset of posting 3-4 times a week. Obviously, I did not go through with that.
Although my drafts folder is a bottomless pit, I cannot make myself publish a post that I am not "feeling" at the time. My writing and I are at a standstill. There is a post I had been doing research for. I wanted it to be well polished by the time I published it. Something kept telling me to just make it public in its simplest form. I kept fighting it.
I have given up. The following passage is raw but transparency is not always pretty.
I, Katherine Lopez, am a broken sinner.
I used to let material things consume and define me. My struggle with worth led me to believe that I had to settle for unhealthy relationships. Drugs never sought me, I chased after them with the hope that it would provide me with community. I developed a pornography addiction that warped my idea of sexuality. My identity was in what specific people said or thought about me. There was a point in my life where I rejected Christ and claimed to be agnostic. Self-harm is part of my story in many forms. I was diagnosed with anxiety and let it completely take over how I lived my life. Manipulation of situations and people was a game I excelled in.
I never saw myself admitting this to well, everybody and so publicly. The Lord laid it on my heart to share my struggles. It is never too late to come to Christ. We are never "too dirty" or "too screwed up," those are lies from the enemy. I found redemption in His grace. I am still a broken person in a broken world. My hope and purpose I now seek in Him though.
Some of the things mentioned I still struggle with sometimes but I now have an entire community holding me accountable and pouring into me. If you feel like you do not have somebody to talk to about faith or anything related with, please know that you can always come to me. If I cannot be of much help I can always send you to somebody else. That is what is so great about transparency, when we are transparent with one another we can be of more help to a greater number than we could ever reach on our own.